Change of Heart
by K.H. Wright
Summary: Estonia realizes his feelings for Russia and it's tearing him apart. So what will he do when Russia comes home from a meeting and won't have a thing to do with him?  Sequel
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this can be read as a stand-alone fic, but it's technically a sequel to ****Cold Feet****. There really needs to be more Russia/Estonia fics. It makes me sad that there are so few. Anyway, enjoy.**

**o0o**

Estonia woke alone in Russia's bed. He turned over with a groan, remembering that Russia had left earlier that morning for another meeting with the other Allies. This is exactly what he had been trying to avoid: any alone time. During the day he tried to stay around either Latvia or Lithuania and at night, well, he had a standing agreement to share a bed with Russia at night. He let out a sigh, burying his face in his pillow. That one decision had been the start of his problems. The first night they had spent together Estonia realized something, something that he had never been so sure of, or more confused about in his entire life. He was in love with Russia. He took his face out of the pillow, and covered his head. Even after a month, he couldn't believe it had happened. Before, he had been terrified of the other man, how could that have turned into love? With another sigh, he rose from bed and grabbed his glasses off the nightstand. It was time to start the day.

He walked down the hall and into the kitchen where he found Lithuania making breakfast.

"Good morning, Estonia," he said, as his brother drifted into the room.

"Good morning," Estonia mumbled back. Lithuania gave him a sympathetic look. He was the only one Estonia had told about his feelings for Russia. His older brother had never been one to judge, especially knowing how much the notion of loving such a person was killing Estonia. He walked to the table, taking a seat next to Latvia. Latvia, on the other hand, had no idea about his feelings, and Estonia would've liked it to stay that way. His younger brother was absolutely terrified of Russia, despite his often blunt remarks around the older man. He wouldn't understand at all, and the last thing Estonia needed was for the young man to slip up and accidentally say something to Russia. Latvia looked to his older brother with concern in his eyes.

"Are you alright, Estonia? You don't look too good," he said. Estonia sighed and opened his mouth to respond, but Latvia cut him off.

"You've been like that since this thing with Russia started. He's not doing mean things to you, is he? I mean, I know how cruel he can be, I just wanna make sure you're not getting hurt," he finished. Estonia stared at him for a moment, wanting more than anything to defend Russia from Latvia's comment. To tell him how soft Russia looked while he slept. How sweet he could be when he said good night…

Instead, he laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

"No, no. Seriously, it's nothing bad; he just sleeps next to me. He's just cold. I'm sure when summer rolls around and it gets a bit warmer I'll be back in my own room…"

As the words fell from his lips, he felt his heart fall as well. _That's right,_ he thought, _this is a temporary set up._ His stomach twisted itself into a million knots.

"Um, I'm going to excuse myself. I have a bit of a stomach ache," Estonia mumbled, and slunk out of the room. Latvia watched him go with sad eyes.

"I don't think he's telling us everything," he told Lithuania. His older brother shook his head.

"There isn't anything we can do for what he's feeling," Lithuania said, mostly to himself. Latvia tilted his head.

"Do you know what's going on with him," he asked. Lithuania sputtered, trying to back track, but finally, with a sigh, he nodded his head.

"What?"

"I can't tell you. Just trust me, he'll be alright."

"Okay…" Latvia didn't seem convinced, but decided to let it go. What could Russia be doing that Lithuania didn't want to tell him?

o0o

In his room, Estonia curled up in a ball on his bed.

_I'm nothing to him. I'm just a temporary fix. He'll never love me…_

He couldn't stop the tears that ran down his face. This was going to be the death of him…

o0o

**Okay, so I'm pretty sure I've ended a chapter like this before. xD Anyway, please leave a review. Tell me what you think~**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay! On to chapter two! I hope everyone's enjoying it! I'm really happy that a certain someone has written another Russia/Estonia fic *coughShariLovecough* :] Anywho, hope everyone likes this and if not, well I'd like to see them do better. xDD I'm kidding. (Though it'd be cool if some more people wrote more of these fics, so maybe I'm not kidding…)**

**o0o**

_Russia's hand traveled down his back, pulling him closer and pressing his lips to Estonia's, parting them slightly. Estonia felt as though he were melting, the heat that radiated from Russia was maddening. He kissed Russia back passionately, running his hands through his short hair and pressing his whole body to him. He felt Russia's hands travel under his shirt, bare skin in contact with ungloved hands…_

BRRING! BRRING!

Estonia woke with a start. He looked to his alarm clock and quickly shut it off. Mornings always came early on nights that included pleasant dreams. He stretched then sat up. It was strange, being alone in his own bed. Apparently the meeting hadn't resolved anything, and so Russia was held up for another day. Estonia sighed. His entire body ached. Was this what it meant to truly be in love with someone? With a bit of mental effort, he finally convinced his body to get out of bed. He changed out of his sleeping clothes and pulled on his usual attire, checking his reflection in the mirror.

"Latvia was right," he said quietly to himself. "I look terrible." Staring into his own eyes he could see the effect of the past month plastered on his face. Bags under his eyes, a pale complexion, his face thin from not eating. This emotion, this powerful thing that poets had written elaborate sonnets about was killing him from the inside out.

He wondered how long he could keep it inside. He wanted nothing more to go the roof of their house and proclaim it to the world, just to let it out, but the only thing stopping him was the fear that if he released that emotion, there would be nothing left of him. He felt as though the feeling had become the core of his being, that if he let it out without another's love to fill that hole, he would crumple to the ground like a discarded garment. He heard the front door open and the sound of his brothers greeting Russia as he came back to the house. Estonia let out a held breath. Time to continue with the charade.

He walked down the stairs to the foyer, trying to stop his heart from racing. _It's sad_, he thought, _just the idea of seeing him makes me weak. I feel like the maiden in a fairy tale._ He approached Russia and stood beside his brothers.

"Welcome back, Russia-san," he said politely, wishing he could quell the butterflies in his stomach.

"Thank you," Russia responded, his usual smile not in place. His eyes were sad, and he looked at Estonia as though he were viewing him for the first time. Without another word, he walked past them and up the stairs to his room. Estonia looked to his brothers.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked. Lithuania and Latvia shrugged. Estonia looked toward the stairs.

Something was wrong with Russia.

What a terrifying thought.

He left his brothers and went to talk to Russia.

o0o

**Okay. So it's not much but whatever. Please review. It will make me happy.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I don't know what it is that possesses me to write an author's note in every chapter I write. Whatever. Anyway, enjoy. **

**o0o**

Estonia didn't even make it halfway up the stairs when he heard the phone ring. He let out a long breath.

"I'll get it," he said, and went to answer the phone.

"Hello, this is Estonia."

"Estonia? This is China, aru," came the voice on the other end of the line.

"Oh, China, can I help you?" Why was he calling?

"I just wanted to see if Russia was alright," China said, his voice tinting toward worry. Estonia felt his heart stop.

"Why, what happened?"

"Well," China started, but then stopped. "I think you need to talk to him. You should be able to cheer him up. It'll mean something coming from you."

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"You'll find out soon enough, Well, I'm off. Thank you." Then silence on the other end. Estonia put the phone down slowly. His brothers looked at him expectantly.

"So what's going on?" Lithuania asked. Estonia shrugged.

"He wouldn't say. Said I should talk to Russia."

"I don't envy you that job," Latvia said. Estonia shot him a look. Nervously, Lithuania put his hand over his younger brother's mouth.

"Well, are you gonna talk to him?" he asked. Estonia nodded.

"I'm going to try." He walked back to the stair case. He began his ascent up the stairs, trying to keep his heart in his chest. What did China mean by "It'll mean something coming from you?" He didn't want to think about that. The very thought that Russia was upset caused a pain in his chest. He hoped more than anything that China was right, and he'd be able to cheer Russia up. But the outlook seemed bleak. Russia didn't seem like the type that got pulled easily out of bad moods.

He walked down the hall to Russia's room and knocked on the door three times.

"Russia-san? Are you alright?" he called. There was no reply. "Russia-san?" He knocked on the door again.

"What do you want?" Russia's voice was small, it barely penetrated the door.

"I-I just want to know if you're feeling alright."

"'M fine. Go away." The words struck Estonia hard. It took him a second to respond.

"Are you sure? You can talk to me…"

"Go," Russia said with authority. Estonia stepped back, hurt.

"I-I'll come back to check on you later," he said. There was no response. He turned and walked back to the foyer where Lithuania was still standing.

"So?" he asked.

"He wouldn't even open the door," Estonia answered, fighting back tears. Lithuania put a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"I'm gonna keep trying though. He can't stay in there forever," Estonia said. He took his glasses off and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

And he did try, but to no avail. He tried a few hours later, offering Russia lunch, but he refused. He tried again around dinner, but still Russia refused. Then at nine o' clock, he went as he did every night to sleep beside him. He didn't even respond. Crushed, Estonia went to his room and fell onto his bed. He didn't sleep that night. He couldn't even cry; the pain he felt was beyond that. So he spent the night staring at the wall, wishing he could think of anything to do to help his dear Russia. The night wore on.

o0o

In his room, Russia curled into a ball and lay staring out his window at the thick snow. He was cold. Looking to the place where Estonia usually slept, he felt his throat tighten. Once again, Poland's words echoed through his head:

"_They're not your friends. They, like, don't even like you. They're terrified of you_!"

"Terrified…of me…" Russia whispered. He closed his eyes, wishing he could close the pain out of his heart.

o0o

**Alright. One more chapter left. Thank you everyone who's reading this. Please leave a review.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Fuck you, Shar. **

**o0o**

Estonia couldn't sleep. For hours he tossed and turned, the pain in his chest making him restless. It was that feeling that drove him out of his room and into the halls of the mansion, looking for even the smallest solace. First, he went to the library and tried to read, but the words on the pages wouldn't meet his eyes, and he soon gave up. Next he tried the kitchen, thinking that he may be able to ease the pain with food, but the thought of eating made him nauseous, so he quickly left. For a while, he just wandered the halls, finding it the only thing he could do to ease his mind.

He didn't know when he had decided to walk to Russia's room, but he soon found himself at the front of the other man's door. For a moment, he questioned whether he should just go back to his room, but his body wasn't connected with his thoughts and his arm reached out to open the door.

He expected to find Russia asleep.

He was surprised to see the older man sitting at the foot of his bed, staring out the window.

It was hard to tell who was more surprised, as Russia quickly jumped up and wiped his face on his sleeve. Estonia felt like his heart were going to break. Had Russia been crying? Russia…wasn't supposed to cry. Russia wasn't…

"Russia-san," was the only thing Estonia could say. He walked into the room, thinking only that he needed to console him, make everything better, but as he got close, Russia drew back.

"Russia-san, what's wrong?" Estonia was barely able to speak.

"Just stay away from me." Russia's voice was hard, but Estonia heard a strain.

"Russia-san, please, let me help you," he said. "I don't know what's wrong, but I promise I'll try to make it better. Please." Estonia walked up to Russia, and this time the other man didn't retreat. Not sure what to do, Estonia wrapped his arms around Russia. He was more than surprised when he felt Russia return the hug.

"You're not afraid of me?" he asked, his voice small and scared. Estonia drew back, holding Russia at arm's length.

"Of course not. Where did you get such an idea?" He decided to conveniently forget his behavior previous to the last month. Russia shrugged and averted his eyes.

"Poland said-"

"Poland? When did you talk to Poland?"

"He was at the meeting. Germany attacked him, so he sat in on it. He said that you guys were afraid of me." Tears had sprung up in Russia's eyes again. Estonia smiled sadly.

"He was just trying to hurt you. I'm not afraid of you, see?" He nearly jumped when Russia cupped his hand around his jaw.

"Then why is your heart racing?" the other man said skeptically. Estonia's answer slipped out of his mouth before he was able to stop it.

"Because I'm in love with you."

Both men froze.

"Wh-what?" Russia stammered. Estonia laughed nervously.

"Ah, wh-what I meant to say…What I mean is…" Estonia sighed, looking at the floor. "No. I meant what I said." He looked Russia in the eyes. "Russia, I'm in love with you."

"L-love?"

"Yes." Estonia could feel his heart burning, turning to ash. He only hoped it would burn the rest of him too. He had read about unrequited love, but he never expected rejection to hurt this bad. He ducked his head, and turned to walk out the door, when Russia caught his arm, pulling his into an embrace. They locked eyes, for a moment, then Russia leaned in, pressing his lips to Estonia's in the most innocent touch of lips to lips. For a moment, Estonia had to remember how to breathe.

"You do that to people you love, right?" Russia asked. Estonia smiled, feeling tears run down his cheeks.

"Yes, Russia, you do," he responded, and leaned up to kiss him again. This time, the kiss went deeper, passionate but soft, and both men were hesitant to pull away.

"I'm tired Estonia," Russia said, breathless, as they finally pulled away. Estonia nodded. He was exhausted. Keeping in such a secret for so long had really taken its toll.

"Then let's go to bed," he said. "Is it alright for me to stay in here?" Russia smiled.

"Of course."

o0o

Estonia woke early the next morning, warmly tangled in Russia's arms. He was hard pressed to think of a place he'd rather be.

o0o

**Bleh. So basically I threw up on my keyboard, and this is what I got. I'm not gonna edit it, so excuse typos and such. Anyway, thank you for reading/favoriting/reviewing. And special thanks to those of you who kicked my sorry ass into actually writing this. (Here's looking at you Shar, love ya buddy!) Any way, good night. :3**


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